The word And plays such a big part in my life, it’s become much more than just a word. It has become a concept, which I choose to filter my life experience through. It enlightens my life in a way that allows me to live authentically and view struggles in a way that’s handle-able. (I know that’s not a word, but it should be)
Yes, And
I am an improviser, and the foundation of improv comes from the rule Yes And. Yes And has two parts. The Yes and the And. The Yes means that you have listened to your scene partner and that you are accepting the reality they are creating in the scene. The And means that you are adding something to the reality they’ve created. The And is the way you collaborate. It’s the way you add your idea to what is presented to you. It’s how you move things forward. Of course, this is helpful when building a narrative in a scene, but it also helps off stage in my everyday life.
In my professional life it ensures that I’m paying attention so that when it’s my turn to contribute, I’m ready. In my relationships it empowers me to communicate my wants and needs. In my thoughts it reminds me to accept my thoughts and know that my reactions to them are what I bring to the table. What I mean by this is that my thoughts are equivalent to what my scene partner says in a scene, I don’t have control over it. But how I respond to my thoughts is how I respond to my scene partner, it’s 100% in my control.
This speaks to the opposite as well. The opposite of And is But. If And allows to accept and contribute, But denies and takes a step backwards.
This philosophy of Yes And is a powerful force in my life, it gives me permission to do what’s best for me because the Yes is the acceptance of what I can’t change and the And is what I can do to affect my life. The And is where my life is built.
And Statements
In therapy, I learned a concept called And Statements, and it changed my life. And Statements is recognizing that two things that seem to contradict one another can be true at the same time.
Let me break it down… when I’m feeling depressed, I feel so unmotivated that any task is difficult. I remember one time I wanted to clean my room, but it felt impossible with the depressed elephant sitting on my chest. Yet, And Statements let me reframe the thought “Cleaning my room is impossible.” Instead I can validate my feelings by saying “I’m feeling depressed,” and activating yourself by adding, “And I am capable of cleaning my room.”
This pattern can be used in so many ways.
“I am sad and happy”
“I’m nervous and excited”
“I love this person, and I know that they are toxic for me.”
“I am crying, and I can clearly communicate my thoughts.”
“The world sucks sometimes, and I am able to contribute good to it.”
It can be anything that is true! It allows you to be or believe in more than one thing.
Allow yourself to And yourself and others. Contribute what you’re able to, speak what’s on your mind, and empower yourself to take action. I also challenge you to notice when you say But and the effect it has on the situation. Notice what happens when you shut something down by saying But, simply replace the word with And, and see where that can take you.
Written by Havah Roussel