Looking down at my second bowl of cheerios that I debated pouring down the drain, I felt anxiety flood my body. I knew later this afternoon I would be walking into a bridal boutique and trying on what could be the dress I’d be marrying the man of my dreams in. Should I walk a few more laps around the block today? Should I have a light lunch and skip snack? I knew for someone in eating disorder recovery (or anyone for that matter), this was a slippery slope and not choices I could make.
All day I tried to block it out of my mind. I felt guilty for being so nervous about something that is supposed to be one of the highlights of being a bride. The whole car ride to the Holland dress boutique, my mind was racing with ED in the passenger seat. What if I never find “the dress”? What if I don’t feel beautiful in anything? What if my “bride squad” notices that I’ve gained weight? What if the bridal stylist judges the stretch marks on my sides or the fact that I’m not a size 2? What will they think of me? What will I think of me?
I had heard so many brides before me describe how they felt when they found THE dress. They best explained it as a feeling where they JUST KNEW. I was so fearful that ED was going to ruin this moment. ED had strong opinions on anything and everything that was my body. ED didn’t want me to feel beautiful.
The bridal boutique was a dream. There were chandeliers, pink couches, and racks full of gowns that looked like they belonged in a bridal magazine. Shana checked us in and took us over to a silver stage in front of the biggest mirror I have ever stood in front of. ED loved that mirror; hoping it would only maximize the ability to find my flaws.
Being a bride brings along the pressure to look PERFECT on the BIGGEST day of your life.
“Shredding for wedding” and other implicit (and explicit) messages tell you that, on your wedding day, you must display how hard you worked to “fit” into your perfect dress.
It’s crazy to think that you need anything other than the love of your life to be happy on that magical day. If being a bride triggers some unhealthy and unhappy feelings surrounding your body/self. Here is my advice:
Bring Supportive People Dress Shopping
We share our insecurities and vulnerabilities with those we are close with. We hope they understand but sometimes some people just don’t. Those people DO NOT belong at your bridal appointment. Bring people who will support you no matter what dress because in the end it’s YOU who has to wear it and YOU are the only one who needs to love it.
“Yes to the Dress” Should Mean “NO” To An Eating Disorder.
Choose to be praised for the way the dress fits your body, not for how your body fits the dress. If you feel like the dress is “unforgiving” or you start fantasizing the dress in a smaller body thinking you can make it your “goal”; the dress is not the one. Find something comfortable that allows you to dance and EAT THE CAKE while still making you feel beautiful.
Ask them to keep your measurements to themselves
At my appointment I asked politely for my bridal expert who was measuring me to not show or tell me my measurements, this took out all the fear out of seeing those numbers.
Taking ED wedding dress shopping isn’t ideal but I got through it. I am human and I have insecurities and I’m sure ED will continue to whisper in my ear. However, when I stood on the stage thinking about marrying the love of my life , I felt completely beautiful. And when the curtain opened, the GASP that came from my bridal squad drowned out ED.
It passed the dance test, aisle test, and despite ED, I bought the dress that feels like me; I mean that’s who Mitch fell in love with.
^._.^ Mak | @makfoss