Holidays are typically the time where we find ourselves spending time with our loved ones. Sometimes we look forward to it but if you’re me, even a holiday like the 4th of July may not seem like it would be triggering—but it’s just as difficult for me.

I’ve had a lot of “firsts” this year without my momma and each time a holiday comes around, I find myself feeling anxious. Those of you who don’t know…4th of July has always been a very special holiday for my family. Almost every single year, religiously my family would go and spend the day in Port Austin (if you haven’t been there, I HIGHLY recommend it if you love beaches like I do!) watching the fireworks, spending the ENTIRE day at the beach until we couldn’t possibly take any more sun and then we would visit the campground my momma worked at when she was younger to get her favorite ice cream. Seems like a fairly simple tradition—but it’s a tradition in itself and something I hold dearly in my heart. I’ll be the first to admit…it wasn’t always this way and I didn’t always appreciate this tradition in its entirety. However, now looking back on these moments, these are the EXACT moments that I wish I could go back to but unfortunately I’ve run out of that possibility. 

So this year, I’ll light a sparkler for my momma and ask myself what it looks like from her view. You know, typical questions I ask myself probably on a daily basis: what do you see from your view? What do you smell and hear? Can you see the smile on my face? How about the tears? I like to think that she’s still here with me and wishing she could be there in every single moment, especially the moments where I may be at my new “lowest.” 

So here’s the thing—if you take anything away from this blog, let it be this.

Not a single day is EVER guaranteed. Life happens and unfortunately, we CANNOT control every aspect of our lives…we can only control how we react to these moments and make the decision to push through. 

Hell, we can’t even fully PREPARE ourselves for when life has a different plan than we do—believe me. I’ve tried. 

Sometimes we just have to pick up the pieces that we feel like is our new life and continue to breathe. One breath at a time, no matter how hard it may feel to breathe. 

And on the days where you’re struggling to find the good or you’re feeling hopeless and defeated internally—know that you’re not alone although it may feel like it. We don’t need to navigate the same waters to sit next to one another and just listen, or offer a hug (I fully believe hugs can mend pieces of your heart). And if you’re already doing all of these things—then you go girl! But me, I’m still working towards finding patience within myself and offering myself grace. Don’t let life defeat you. Your mind is a powerful tool and any glimmer of hope you may have—hold on tight for the days you may need it a little more. Find your way through that tunnel that seems like it’ll never end so you can feel the sun on your face again. Live your life and write your story. 

My Tips that Help with Holidays:

  1. Offer yourself some grace. Stop judging the way you feel. Don’t follow suit to make the holidays as “normal” as possible. If you feel like crying, then sweet girl…let them fall. If you feel like not celebrating at all—then that’s okay too. No one can TELL you how you should be spending your time or how you should be feeling. 
  2. Be KIND to yourself. Take time to do the things you love or bring back cherished memories of the person you’re missing. It’s OKAY to enjoy yourself and if you need a few moments to yourself to cry it out—then take that time (bathrooms typically work great for me, lol).
  3. STOP making comparisons. You’re going to see families enjoying their holidays and then you’re going to see people who may be acting like they couldn’t care less about being with their family and it might make you jealous—it also might make you so damn mad. Try to embrace what you have instead of comporting what you think others have.
  4. Focus on what you CAN control. Think about what you can do to lessen the heartache you may have. For me, it’s lighting a sparkler for my momma on the 4th of July, setting balloons loose for Valentine’s Day, getting a tattoo for my birthday that reminds me of her, planting her favorite flowers for Mother’s Day, making her a seat in a lantern for Christmas. These may sound silly to some—but these are all things that we CAN control. Honor your loved one…because sweet girl, even though they may not be here anymore that love never dies. 
  5. Trust that grief is a part of healing. Time doesn’t heal the pain associated with a loss; it’s what we do with that time that matters. I’d like to think that eventually the holidays will get easier—we just have to make it through a lot of “firsts or second or thirds” first. 

Xoxo, Steph