As I continue into my exploration of feminist issues and intersectionality, I’ve had to confront several behaviors and mindsets within myself that contradicted the ideas I was learning about. One of those things I found myself doing was the way that I spoke. I found subtle ways in which I either went along with or affirmed sexist ideas just by the words and tones I used in conversation. I wanted to correct this, and I’ve picked up some great tips and tricks on how to shut down sexist conversations and how to avoid using harmful language. If you want to speak more like a feminist, keep reading!
Check your Biases and Privileges
One of the best ways to make sure you are being mindful of what you’re saying is to check your biases before engaging in conversation. Being a cis-gender white woman, I have plenty of biases and privilege that I need to be aware of before speaking out on a certain topic or relating my situation to someone else’s. Knowing the privilege and bias you carry with you helps you to be more equipped to have nuanced conversations about all issues, but especially feminist ones.
Create a Safe Environment
Whether you’re talking with a few close friends, on a conference call, or at a speaking event, making sure you create a safe space where everyone feels they are able to contribute is incredibly important. That means not forcing anyone to participate or divulge any personal information, respecting people’s boundaries, and sharing the floor with others. Another thing I recommend doing is giving people your preferred pronouns when being introduced. It does not force anyone else to give theirs, but it makes people feel a lot more comfortable to do so if they are not the first. Everyone has preferred pronouns, cis-gender people included, and normalizing that information is just one step towards acceptance. Email signatures and social media bios are also great places for pronouns!
Know When to Assert Yourself
I grew up fearing any and all types of confrontation, so learning how to be more assertive was a painstaking process. I was constantly terrified of being seen as a bitch (more on that word later), and so I would choose to be silent rather than stand up for myself or for others. One thing I would let fly no matter how much it made my blood boil was blatantly sexist and misogynistic jokes. I heard them in every environment imaginable, regardless of how inappropriate, and I had no idea how to get them to stop until I expressed to my friends how unhappy I was at letting those kinds of jokes go free. When someone around you makes a “joke” that is sexist, racist, homophobic, or intolerant in any way, the best way to expose the hateful rhetoric behind it is to make them explain the joke. Say you do not understand it, and force them to explain. This will force them to verbalize what stereotype or generalization they are playing off of and hopefully get them to see the harm behind their words.
Asserting yourself into every discussion is not necessarily helpful, however. Again, being mindful of your specific biases and privileges will help you to navigate when to input your thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know enough to contribute, or to acknowledge that you may be too privileged to add much to the discussion. Sitting back and listening can be even more powerful than talking.
Avoiding Gendered Insults and Phrases
This seems very self-explanatory, but I found myself using gendered phrases without quite realizing it. Certain insults (bitch, slut, etc.) and phrases (man up, grow a pair, etc.) have harmful meanings behind them, no matter who they’re being used against. You may not mean them in a hurtful way, but the outdated rhetoric behind the words remains. Avoiding speech like this and eliminating gendered insults from your vocabulary is a great and easy way to speak more like a feminist.
Written by Anna Dunigan