Mother’s Day is right around the corner…literally just a few days away. As I sit here, waiting in anticipation…I’m trying to remember to breathe. Breathing in isn’t the hard thing, it’s the breathing out that I often forget to do. When learning to move through grief, some days are more difficult than others…I call them “grief days.” These days are full of triggers and most of the time tears, and Mother’s Day happens to be one of the biggest ones of all. To some, it may be just another day and for me it’s just another day without my #1 supporter…but it doesn’t make these days any less important to us. These days are still HARD. It’s hard not to be envious of those around me who still get to have their mommas in their life. It’s hard not to be a complete wreck and dreading the day. Grief is hard and completely random at times. It’s not fair and doesn’t care how it hurts you. And the worst part? The single most person who can make the worst days better, well, her absence is the exact reason I need her–hard pill to swallow, right? 

Your feelings are valid.

Losing someone we love is one of the hardest things we may ever face.

It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay to take time for yourself.

*Social media makes it even harder*

There’s pictures everywhere, ads on tv, aisles in the store for things I would at one time buy for my momma. We celebrate our mommas, because they damn well deserve it. They’re the closest thing to super humans. They make things better when your world feels like it is falling apart at the seams. They pick you up off that floor when you’re crying endlessly. They make your favorite meal when you come home on the weekend, or have a rough day. They listen to you–and I mean really really listen to you, without judgement. They love you. 

*Afterall, they have loved you since before you were even born.*

So when these days come, and if you’re like me who still holds my breath on this day..lets make it through together. Lets lift one another up and sit in the uncomfortableness of it all. Let’s be okay with saying, wow what a really shitty day and I struggled, but I made it through. Here are some tips that have helped me through my first Mother’s Day and hopefully this next:

  1. Buy the damn card. It’s okay, pick one out–leave it blank or write a message, the meaning is still the same and it’s for you and nobody else’s business.
  2. Visit the cemetery (if that’s your thing). Sometimes I feel a little bit crazy that the one place I find peace is visiting my parents grave. I can feel them around me, and in my mind, that’s the closest I can be to them.
  3. Understand that these feelings WILL pass–though it feels like the heartache will go on forever sometimes. Feel it out, process, and let those feelings flow, they are totally valid.
  4. Keep your favorite people close to you–don’t push them out. You don’t have to be alone, unless you choose. 
  5. Remember that there is still tomorrow. The day will pass, you may feel some relief and make it through another year. Each day we get stronger–and that is something worth celebrating. 

So much love to anyone who may be enduring their first Mother’s Day as a motherless daughter. May we all be the pieces of her that we loved most. 

Xoxo, Steph