Hey Beautiful,
Are you ready for this? Girl, we are in this together & it’s about time we all come to understand this – you are not alone.
Do you ever catch yourself thinking, ‘I wonder if this only happens to me?’ & sit there for hours on end feeling self conscious, uncomfortable & embarrassed? Because I know I sure as hell have!
Or you see the most beautiful woman & you think to yourself, ‘I bet she’s never bled through or has to wax her upper lip’ – you might laugh reading this but HOW TRUE IS THIS? Come on, be honest with yourself.
I am here to put those thoughts to bed (with some light humor & genuine appreciation for women)!
Girl, you are not alone. You are not the only one. Yes it is normal. No it doesn’t make you gross. It makes you WOMAN.
Men, if you’re reading this – I’ll give you a free pass to get out now. If not, enjoy the read & embrace the reality of what we go through as a woman.
I’m going to start off nice & easy – then I’m going to dive on into the REAL stuff, are you ready?
Living on dry shampoo
Wait, you had time to shower AND wash your hair? No way. Ain’t no shame in scrubbing the body down, getting a quick shave in (if needed) & skipping the hair. That’s what dry shampoo is for!!
The best part is – I get more compliments on my hair & how good it smells when I use dry shampoo rather than wash it. HAH – FOOLED YA.
“Clean hair is super great, but have you ever tried sleeping and dry shampoo?”
Waking up with bed head
You know all those Instagram models who post pictures of them laying in bed “waking up” absolutely flawless. Full face of makeup & hair styled as heck – I am here to comfort you by saying ‘they didn’t wake up like this’ (Beyonce remix).
If you’re as crazy of a sleeper as I am – you’re guaranteed a rats nest in the morning, or maybe you go to bed with your hair wet – either way you aren’t the only one who has to brush through the lion’s mane in the AM.
“It’s all messy; The hair. The bed. The words. The heart. Life”
Ripped belt loop via jeans dance
One leg in, the other leg in – grab the belt loops & jump around until they’re over the booty! Am I right? Whether you have to paint them up over your strong thighs or your beautiful curves – you know what dance I’m talking about.
RIP to the holes in our expensive jeans caused by what god gave us. Bless.
“I only dance when I’m putting on my jeans”
Belly Rolls
Some of us have them when we’re standing, some of us only get them when we sit down. Either way – CONGRATS BEAUTIFUL LADY, you have skin on your body!!!
Embrace it & love yourself.
“You have belly rolls? That just means there’s more of you to love on.”
Random Crater Zits
Uhm, I thought I already hit puberty? Yet, here I am growing a planet on my face.
A red, irritated, bump right smack dab in the middle of your forehead – where everyone can see it, it’s THE BEST. Or maybe it turned into a white head & its ready to pop – but nobody felt the need to tell you & they let you walk around flaunting it all day.
Girl, we have all walked around with a zit – I’m not sure how to glorify this one other than to comfort you with the fact that nobody probably even noticed it – they were 104% too distracted by your radiating beauty & how you carry yourself!
“Dear Pimples, if you’re going to live on my face, I need to see some rent.”
Mustache
Let’s make this more enjoyable to read – I shall refer to it as, peach fuzz.
We all have it & if you don’t have it yet, well I’m sorry but…you’ll probably grown some eventually.
Whether its super light & blends with your skin or you have to straight up bleach that bad boy because it’s darker than your leg hair. Either way, don’t sweat it.
I promise you 9/10 women you know either, shave it – pluck it – bleach it – wax it – or let it be & whichever way you do it, you go girl!
“Why should I have to Alter the natural state of my body to be seen as socially acceptable?”
Breakdowns
It doesn’t matter how old you are or how rough your life is compared to the person next to you – we all handle life differently. Everyone breaks down once in a while & thats okay.
Girl, cry it out – run it out – cuddle a dog – scream into your pillow – go chop & dye your hair – do some retail therapy – hit the gym – whatever your medicine is, I am happy you found your fix to the sadness.
Next time you feel a breakdown coming on – don’t hold it in, let it out. I promise you, its okay to cry & not be okay. To realize that, allows for the better days to come.
Ps. Crying doesn’t make you weak – because even the guy at your gym who lifts heavy & takes his mirror pics cries too 😉
“Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough.”
Boob Sweat
Big or small – we love them all!
If yours are big, there is nothing like walking outside during the summer & having ‘the girls’ feel like they just finished running a marathon.
If yours are small, I’ve heard it referred to as ‘chest sweat’ – either way we’re all drippin’ & nonchalantly wiping it away in public.
Rock your size & own the sweat!
“Why do do they call it boob sweat, and not humidititties?”
Stretch Marks
“Uhg, you have stretch marks, does that mean you were skinny & then got fat?”
HAH, sit ya booty down. I’m sure if you have stretch marks, you’ve heard every single absurd reason in the book as to why you might have them. I pray you don’t see them as a negative thing about your body.
Stop thinking of them as embarrassing, or gross or whatever your mind goes to when you see them. Think about everything that your body has endured. Maybe you just had a child, or you lost a ton of weight, or maybe you gained weight – whatever your reasoning may be, they are all beautiful reasons.
As women, we deal with a ton of body morphing events – next time you see your stretch marks (wherever they may be on your body) smile at them, they make you – you & they share a story of just how strong your body is.
I am woman – Hear me roar!
“Your body is not ruined. You’re a tigress who has earned her stripes”
Bloating
Do you ever eat a meal & all of a sudden you look like you’re 3 months pregnant? Because, same.
I prefer to call it a food baby. We all bloat, no matter what size we are – bloating happens. Whether it be from something you ate, drinking alcohol, too much salt, whatever the cause – it happens to all of us! I swear, you didn’t gain 15 pounds in one day!
My advice to you – drink water, throw some stretchy sweatpants on & sleep if off!
“I think its weird how somedays I feel skinny & somedays I feel like a busted can of biscuits”
Never getting around to shaving
Whether you’re single, doing long distance or just find shaving to be a huge hassle – you’re not alone.
I’m sure I can speak for all women – we LOVE fall & winter, we don’t have to stay on top of it! Besides when you finally do get around to shaving, you either miss a strip of hair, you get razor burn OR you cut a chunk of skin around your ankle & you think you might die with how much blood loss comes from it!
Just UHG, am I right?
“Leg shaving season is back and I’m not mentally prepared!”
Razor Burn
This crap is NOT a joke. It hurts, it doesn’t look all too welcoming either – irritated red bumps – HAWT.
If its downstairs it hurts to wear underwear for a couple of days, if you get it on your legs you don’t want to wear pants & (if you’re like me) you get razor burn on your armpits – putting deodorant on burns & wearing a tank top makes you self conscious.
BUT HEY! I still wear tank tops & rock the heck out of those irritated red bumps, wanna know why? Because I’m human & realized I am not alone.
So next time you don’t want to throw a bikini on – just remember, you’re not going to be the only one at the pool with razor burn.
Cellulite
I have Cellulite, so what? Where all my cellulite sally’s at?
Some women have it, some women don’t. Either way YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL.
Ladies, if about 80% of women have cellulite, then isn’t it normal? Yeah, so you have a few extra bumps on your body, does that mean that you shouldn’t wear shorts? HELL NO.
It is natural you guys, we are born human – there is no such thing as perfect. So decide to unapologetically love yourself – even your cellulite!
“I do have thighs & a butt, so yes…I have cellulite”
Wedgies
If guys can put their hand down their pants – in public – to adjust their balls, then you better bet I’m cool with picking a wedgie.
I’m sorry, just because we are female means we have to behave 103% in public at all times? Sorry – but no.
No matter your choice of underwear – thong, boyshorts, bikini, cheeky, g-string, hipster, briefs – lace, cotton…WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE, I am here to let you know we all get wedgies & it’s okay to pick them.
“Pick them here, pick them there, pick them anywhere.”
Wearing the same bra for 3+ days in a row
There’s no way you have a new bra for everyday of the week & if you do – there’s no way you don’t pick a couple of favorites & just keep re-wearing those.
IF you do, psh – you go girl.
That’s my only comment on this one.
Spotting when it isn’t time
Picture this, it’s mid month of your cycle & you have this amazing vacation planned & the absolute cutest white bikini to wear to the beach & BOOM Mother Nature sends you a teaser.
Like, I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!
Bleeding through
You can change everything at the appropriate time, have the right size tampon/pad (whichever you prefer) & your body will say “HAH, YOU THOUGHT”. RIP to all of the underwear thrown away due to the natural features of the female body!
“I didn’t choose the female life – the female life chose me.”
See, I told you that you’re not alone. You probably related to most of these, if not all of them & there is no shame in that.
Walking around self conscious all the time isn’t fun, thinking these things only happen to you & only you is absurd. This is the norm ladies, and it is okay to talk about it. Afterall, we are only human – nobody’s perfect.
So learn to laugh things off, embrace your imperfections & freaking LOVE yourself & all that you have to offer!