Hi PYM friends,
It’s been a long time since I’ve just sat down to write a post. I’ve been so focused on posting everyone else’s content and trying to grow PYM that I’ve neglected my love for blogging and writing to you all.
This platform truly blossomed from my passion for blogging, it’s so magical to see the progress we have made…and by we, I mean my OG followers who have stuck through the past few years.
Anyways, I wanted to address something I’ve been struggling with lately – as Alyssa typically would.
Confidence.
Well, my confidence has been something that is up and down. I’m a chronic people pleaser and I don’t like when people don’t like me – the voices in my head beg the question “why don’t they like me?” “what’s wrong with me?”. My negative self talk eats away at me more than it should. And of course, everyone tells me to “not care what people think” but it’s easier said than done when my brain literally taunts me with what others may be thinking of me.
In high school, I was often bullied for “thinking I am better than everyone else” or “being on my high horse”, I was also poked fun of for dressing up when everyone else didn’t. It was just a personal preference and not for anyone’s attention. I loved fashion.
In college, I heard many comments about how selfish I was or vain for posting on my blog and instagram. I was called conceited.
All these words from other people stick with me to this day. I constantly worry people will think I am selfish, vain or some other negative thing. This weighs me down because I know my true intentions in life are to spread positivity and empower others to love themselves. Perhaps, this is because I have such a hard time loving myself.
I know what it feels like to experience anxiety and depression. I know what it feels like to feel alone. I know what it feels like to have daddy issues. I know what it feels like to lose friends without closure. I know the pain of heartbreak and loss. The list goes on…
In the past few weeks, I haven’t completely felt like myself. I have been more negative with myself and it’s made an obvious difference in my day-to-day mood.
At our PYM girls retreat the other weekend, I broke down. Prior to the weekend, I was becoming aware of this negative self talk and realized the confidence lacking slump I was in. However, during a brainstorm session for PYM, I began projecting my fear of what the girls were thinking or feeling about me (which was untrue). One of the girls stopped me and corrected that I was projecting my own fear stories onto the group.
I started crying.
What she said was so true! I just didn’t like to hear it, it struck my soul very deeply. That moment really changed my perspective.
I shared with the girls that I had been bullied about being too much and acting as if I am better than other people. I shared how I have lost many friendships over what feels like nothing, or at least nothing was communicated to me as to why they ended. These factors combined make me very timid to shine too brightly, especially with other women. I never want to come off as selfish or bossy. I just want to make people happy!
Long story, short. I want to share that confidence is not easy, even when it may look like it on the outside. People constantly think I am confident, and to an extent, I am. But, there is a lot of self-doubt and worry that I experience almost daily.
Confidence does not come from what others think or say about you. It comes from the trust in yourself to know who you are and what your true intentions are. If you know that, then no one can take that away from you.
When we let others thoughts or lives validate our own, we distance ourselves from true confidence and self-love.
It’s hard to find that balance sometimes but you must remember there is space for your light to shine and if someone tells you differently, perhaps they need to change not you.
Per usual, I wanted to share vulnerably about my journey with confidence because it has been far from linear. There have been periods of really high confidence and happiness, and moments of lows and self-doubt.
To those of you who don’t feel confident, just know that confidence is not something that just happens. It takes inner work and trusting in yourself. It comes back to being authentic. When we choose to be that really honest version of ourselves, we become more confident in that person over time. When we choose not to let others opinions and voices validate our worth, we grow stronger in our confidence. When we correct the voices in our heads, we become self-aware to continue working on self-love.
You will fail at confidence, many times. But, you will learn each time you do. It’s those moments where we feel the most fear and worry that we can become confident because when we prove ourselves wrong, we’ve got no excuses.
My 5 Tips for Cultivating Your Confidence
- Trust in who you are. You know your intentions for this world and you know what is true about yourself. Don’t let the words of others change your perspective on that.
- Be self-aware. When you can learn your own faults and weak points, you can correct yourself when you enter a negative state of mind. You can also filter out the BS.
- Feel the fear and do it anyway. When we feel unconfident about something but we end up slaying it, this can really build up self confidence. Feel the fear in trying new things or stepping out of your comfort zone and prove your internal voices wrong. When we build self confidence from within, no one can take it away.
- Surround yourself with honest people. Cultivate your inner circle to be kind and supportive. The people around you really can impact your mood and self-image. Don’t seek constant validation from them, but use one another to rely on and lift each other up.
- Do things that make you feel confident. You may be thinking…umm duh!? But, I mean do activities or routines that keep you in a positive mindset. For me, when I am working out and making enough time for socializing, I feel much more ME. When I sit around and let negative thoughts creep in and get self critical, I feel super BLAH. Determine who the authentic, happy version of you is and do the things that create that you.
Always remember confidence is something that can be cultivated, time and time again. You may feel more down during different phases of your life, but every day is a new day to rediscover your confidence. You are allowed to be both a work in progress and a masterpiece, simultaneously (quote from Sophia Bush).
Take care of yourself, you’re the only YOU in this magical world.
xo, Lyss