You aren’t born knowing what the word “gay” or “lesbian” is. 

All that I knew was that I always felt more attracted to girls than boys, but at first I kept it to myself because I was afraid of what others would think. At first, I tried to hide my interest in girls by covering up and having a boyfriend. I did what I thought I should do to be what I thought was “normal”. I didn’t have any influence when it came to my dating preferences. I didn’t even know why I felt the way I did, so it was a confusing time for me. I became more and more curious of why I was attracted to girls, I wanted to figure it out, and of course when you want to know something, you run to the google search bar, so that’s what I did. I wanted to know if there were others that were like me. I was anxious and felt alone because I didn’t know anyone like me, it wasn’t talked about openly at the time. From google I discovered an entire community of people who were just like me; The LGBTQA+ community. LGBTQA stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Allies.

Thinking back to my first crush, the butterflies I felt and exchanging notes back and forth. She was the first girl to tell me that she had a crush on me. I didn’t know how to reply, so I put the note deep down in my backpack and carried it home. I still vividly remember asking my mom what to say back, and how to respond to this particular note because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I wrote back that I would love to be her friend but I wouldn’t be disappointed if it had led to more. I didn’t share with my mom what I responded to her note, but for two years after that same girl and I spent so much time together. She became my first girlfriend, and I shared many firsts with her.

My mom went with me to Pride, which is a festival to celebrate the LGBTQA+ community. I’m thankful that I had support, and I don’t take it for granted either because I know how hard it is when you don’t have the support. My mom became a huge advocate for the community, and once I told her, I felt more confident about coming out to others, one by one. Now after 10 years, being confident in my sexuality is one of the things that makes me who I am.

LGBTQA+ marriage wasn’t legal when I came out. Imagine not being able to marry someone you love? My mom was the first to call me as soon as LGBTQ+ marriages were legalized. I remember Massachusetts being the first state to legalize Gay Marriage. Now it’s legal everywhere and I’m happily married to the love of my life. Laws have changed and we’re moving in a positive direction, but there are still changes to be made.

I’m proud to be who I am and thankful that I have a family and friends who support and love me. Not everyone has that, and it isn’t a secret. It’s becoming more accepted but coming out is still a hard thing to do. Come out when you are ready, I recommend starting with one person that you trust, and go at your own pace. 

Here are some tips to come out when you’re ready

1. Go slow, take your time and start with one person at a time
2. Different people will have different responses and that’s alright, it’s new for them
3. Don’t make a scene, or do it in anger or in a negative way
4. Don’t push yourself, do it when you are ready
5. Join a support group to meet others, it’ll help with not feeling alone
6. Be patient and give it time

ALWAYS remember that you are beautiful, you are loved, you are important. Your sexuality doesn’t change who you are as a person, it’s just a piece of who you are. 

Written by Aspen Kate Jackson