My morning routine is incredibly simple. My alarm goes off early enough that I can hit snooze my habitual three times, those extra minutes making no difference in how tired I am, but necessary nonetheless. I, then check in with friends, send out the streaks, and browse on TikTok until I’ve seen every video ever. Finally, I do a couple stretches and roll out of bed. Normally, my routine would then take me to my bathroom, where I’d blast the latest Kesha album and hop in the shower, but something else has taken precedence; now I rush to my calendar and count down the remaining days until I walk across the stage to receive my diploma (83).
Despite always doing well in school, I never pictured myself going to college. In high school, as my classmates and friends discussed their dream schools and careers, I was silent. I knew what my passions were, but I didn’t know how or if they could translate to a job. At that point, the only career I had remotely considered was to be a cosmetologist, and considering the fact that I could barely curl my own hair, that idea was more wishful thinking than an actual option. Even after getting my associate’s degree, I had no real idea of what kind of career I wanted to pursue. When I transferred to Grand Valley State University the pressure to choose a major was immense. I only had two years left, and the clock was ticking.
The panic flooded in. After several long talks with advisors, my parents, and those closest to me, I decided that Marketing was the route to go. A business degree has incredible value, allowing people to enter into the corporate world with ease, and marketing appeared to be creative enough to always excite me. I confidently declared the major, signed up for more accounting and finance classes than I would have ever thought necessary, and began my new path.
What I didn’t know was that that path would turn out to be more laborious and tiresome than I could have imagined. Those accounting courses? Brutal. No one could have adequately warned me about how balancing credits and debits is nearly impossible for a girl who can’t do basic addition. But it wasn’t just the general business classes that started to drag me down. Marketing was not the super fun and creative slogan-writing I thought it would be. It was statistics and graphs and, somehow, still math. I clearly had no real idea of what marketing was until it was too late, and the realization that it wasn’t for me didn’t hit until I was a super-senior with just a handful of courses left.
Now just 83 days away from receiving my degree in a field I have come to despise, a different kind of panic washes in. I’m afraid of hating my career and never finding a job I truly like. I’m afraid of becoming an egotistical salesperson who only cares about commission. I’m afraid of disappointing my parents, who have done so much to allow me to pursue higher education. It can be hard to not feel like I wasted three years of my life.
However, I learned a great tip in therapy this past year. When feelings can become overwhelming, focusing on facts is the remedy. Instead of dwelling on “I feel” statements, shifting towards “I know” statements help to ground yourself. I might feel trapped in a narrowly defined career path, but I know that I am young and able to do anything I put my mind to. I might feel as if I should have gotten a writing degree, but I know that my prior writing experience will help me find a career. Thinking about these things that I know to be certain helps to erase the panic I feel. They bring me peace as I continue to count down the days until I toss my cap in the air and throw away the backpack I’ve had since sophomore year of high school. They allow me to calm down and realize that I am in control of my life, and that I will always be able to change my situation. Knowing this, you can’t be stuck anywhere.