21 years probably seems like nothing to many. Although, 21 can feel a lot different depending on the person. In other words, I feel like I’ve gone through some shit in my 21 years, (mainly the teenager-young adult years) but I do believe I have some wisdom to show for it.
I feel so blessed to have had so many experiences, good and bad, by the young age of 21. I have learned to appreciate every single day in some way, love my family and friends the way I want to be loved, and to simply just be myself.
Inspired by Taylor Swift’s “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30” in Elle, here are my 21 little pieces of advice:
ONE
People simply do not care that much. Do you find yourself going back and forth on whether to post this or that, or maybe you’re beating yourself up about something stupid you said, or feeling shitty because your face is breaking out? I’ve come to know that people simply just do not notice these things. It’s easy to think the world revolves around us, because we can’t see the world through others’ eyes, but everyone else is focused on themselves, not you.
TWO
It’s okay to be alone. I was the only daughter in my family, so I grew up being very independent. I love being alone, but it seems like that’s the minority. I let the peer pressure of that make me feel like a loser sometimes, feeling like I should be out doing something with friends every single moment. But here I am, writing this sitting in my new one-bedroom apartment, and I couldn’t be more content.
THREE
Going off of that idea, IT IS OKAY, AND EVEN BETTER IN MOST CASES, to be single. We’re young. We have to get past the idea that we’re going to meet our soulmates by the age of 21, get married by 23, and have a house and family by 25. I used to think I wanted that, and now thinking of it makes me want to puke. Of course, if that is the ideal situation for you, then go for it girl! But being single = the world is YOURS. Don’t stop dating people for fear of being held back, just make sure you’re choosing people that don’t hold you back.
FOUR
Stop straightening your hair! This is for my curly girls…the damage is not worth it. Sure, it’s nice to have a change of look every once in a while, but there’s really nothing that compares to having naturally curly hair. Everyone wants it, and we’ve been blessed to have it! So put down the straightener and leave your curls to be their bouncy and healthy selves.
FIVE
Go to a dermatologist — If you know me, you know I’ve been through hell and back with my skin. At one point I was going to the derm every 2 weeks because something new would pop up on my skin every other day. Find someone you can truly open up to about your skin, and you’ll never look back to those days searching the internet for at-home remedies that never really work.
SIX
DON’T WEAR CHEAP EARRINGS…I think I have finally learned. I always think “only wearing them for the day won’t be bad” and then I’m left with a painful, puss-filled piercing hole that takes a week or more to heal. Just. Don’t. Do. It. I don’t care how cute or inexpensive they are.
SEVEN
Stop dating people because you’re in love with the concept of them. Maybe they have a nice family, and they treat you really well, and they’re into a lot of the things that you’re into…but that doesn’t make them the one. I’m done talking myself into people just to end up bringing more chaos and hurt into my life. Us girls sometimes think we can mold someone into the person we really want them to be, but that just has us looking like boo boo the fool in the end. Like the girls in one of my favorite podcasts, Girls Gotta Eat, say: if it’s not a f*ck yes, it’s a no.
EIGHT
Take yourself on dates. Of course I love doing things with my friends and family, and whoever my special someone may be, but I find so much joy in being able to enjoy my own company. I love getting all pretty for myself and walk around the mall, go to a coffee shop, or go to the beach all by my lonesome. I love being able to say I’m my own best friend. It makes the hard times a little easier, too.
NINE
Eat the shit you’re craving. Of course, always try to lean on the side of healthy throughout the week, but if you’re really wanting a Mcdonald’s cheeseburger and a some fries just heckin’ do it. Some of my happiest times are eating fast food alone in my car listening to music. A treat here and there are not going to throw off your health goals, whatever they may be!
TEN
Don’t be afraid of bright colors! For years I just told myself I was a neutral-colored person, my wardrobe only consisting of greys, blues, black and beige. But now that I have started wearing hot pinks, neon blues and greens, and loud patterns- I’m never going back. I still love my classic colors but nothing compares to bright colors with a lil spray tan during the summer. It just feels free.
ELEVEN
Be intentional with the ones you love. It’s easy to forget to communicate the things we really mean when we get wrapped up in our own lives. When one of your friends is excited about something, share that excitement. Tell your mom you love her new haircut. Randomly text an old friend and tell them you miss them! Part of growing up means learning that it takes two people to make a healthy and strong relationship.
TWELVE
Go with your gut. I can’t count the amount of times I felt like something was going to happen, and then it did. Think about those times when your gut is yelling at you, and act on it. Whatever happens after that is better than the regret that comes with missing your chance when your gut feelings are ignored. This goes for jobs, relationships, and all of the other tedious life decisions.
THIRTEEN
Ya gotta leave before you get left. Girl just break up with him. Quick, before he gets an idea. Scoop up your pride it probs wasn’t going to work out anyways. It’s a hot girl summer we don’t have time for lame ass men.
FOURTEEN
Spend time in nature. I’m a summer girl, and a big part of this might be because Michigan winters are so bad, but just sitting down and watching the lush green leaves swaying in the wind, or watching the waves of Lake Michigan crash on the shore just does something for my soul. It reminds me of how big the world is and how small my problems can be.
FIFTEEN
Accept the fact that you’re always evolving. Don’t ever label yourself or put yourself into a small category and think you have to stick to it. I love singing country music but I spend most of my time listening to rock, indie pop and alternative music. I still consider myself a yeehaw girl, but I love being able to appreciate so many different styles of music, fashion, and life.
SIXTEEN
Use cruise control when it’s safe. I have a bad habit, okay. After my first (and only) speeding ticket, I’ve learned to stay my ass in the right lane and use cruise control to refrain from speeding in zones where it goes from 55 mph to 35 mph.
SEVENTEEN
Sliding into the dm’s isn’t just for pursuing romantic relationships. I’m so thankful for the times I’ve slid into girls dm’s, saying I’d love to hang with them sometime. They have turned into beautiful friendships that never would have happened if I was too scared to send that message. Hell, the reason I’m writing on this site is because of dm’s!
EIGHTEEN
Try to get more and more comfortable wearing less makeup. Notice how I say less, and not no makeup. I can’t go a day without eyebrow pencil, because I was blessed with blonde eyebrows with almost black hair. Although, one of the best things I’ve trained myself to do is get used to seeing myself with less. I’m so much more confident and free knowing I put on makeup because I want to, not because I feel like I need to. Less time in the morning too!
NINETEEN
Get out of ya hometown. You can be 18, 20, 25, 30, whatever. Just get out! I don’t care if it’s only an hour away from your hometown, like Grand Rapids is to Grand Ledge for me. Learning a new area and finding a new place to call home has made me feel so independent and has taught me so much about myself. It also makes me appreciate home a little more. I’ve never been more lonely in my life at times, but I find comfort in the fact that I’m strong enough to hold my own in a city I didn’t grow up in.
TWENTY
IF YA WANNA PLAY GUITAR PICK IT UP AND JUST LEARN IT. I put off learning guitar for so long because I just thought it was too overwhelming. I learned about 4 years ago and now I get paid to play weekly. I’ve never been more proud of something in my life. I’m now setting goals to buy an electric and bass guitar in the near future, to expand my horizons and start an all-girl band.
TWENTY-ONE
Be your damn self. I hate this phrase to be honest, and I wish there was a better way to say it, but there really isn’t. Get inspired by others but don’t change the things you like about yourself to fit into this idea you’ll never fit into. Like the things you like, hate the things you hate, and always leave room for growth. I can’t be more pleased with where I am at 21, and I know it’s only up from here. Live your truth!