Hello Beautiful Humans,
It’s the time of year to reflect on the year that’s past and prepare for a new year. This year is a little different as we are at the changing of a decade. For me, being only 23, the past decade will probably be one of the most influential decades of my life. At the start of the decade, I was in middle school, 13 to be exact. Ending the decade, I work a full-time job as a Marketing Specialist and run Pretty, Young & Motivated as a side hustle.
I’d like to think that thirteen year old Alyssa would be proud.
We all take time to reflect on the year that’s passed, but we don’t often reflect on a whole decade. A lot can happen in 10 years. Before we jump into the post, I highly suggest you reflect on all you’ve accomplished and learned in the past 10 years. Big or small.
I see this being one of the most influential times of my life because 13 – 23 is a time with a lot of change and growth. We’re really trying to figure out who we’re supposed to be in the world and who we actually are. We move through a lot of different life transitions during this age range too – school, career, love, friends, moving, etc.
As many do, I’m going to share the top 10 lessons I’ve learned in the past decade.
Real friends aren’t conditional.
Real friends will be there for you through any circumstances; they accept you for who you are and they’re always honest with you. Something I’ve learned over the years, and more recently, is that you shouldn’t beg for anyone’s attention. If someone wants to be in your life, they will make an effort. I’m talking mainly about friends here but this also applies to romantic relationships as well. People that are truly there for you will be understanding and stick by your side through the highs and lows. Friendship and love isn’t only when it’s convenient, it’s unconditional.
Dreams take a lot of hard work, and even more time.
I’ve been fortunate enough to conquer many of my big goals in the past decade – from competing at NCA cheerleading nationals to starting PYM, it’s been anything but easy. Each of the goals took a great deal of work and time to get there. Overnight success doesn’t exist, the work it takes to get to success is rarely glorified. PYM is just now growing into an actual business with traction, and I started blogging back in 2015. Be patient with yourself and the goals you’ve set. You will get there.
Love isn’t hard, relationships are.
We often believe love is hard and difficult, culture has made us believe this but in all reality, I don’t think love is hard. Love and falling in love is the easy part. I fall in love easily, not just with people but with places and things. Love isn’t confusing, it just flows. Relationships and people are difficult. Relationships take work and trust. If there is anything I’ve learned the past decade, it’s that real love is not confusing or mixed signals. When you love someone, you know. You feel it in your soul, you get butterflies and you feel at peace. It’s when we mix in all the life stuff, emotional baggage, past experiences and family patterns that makes it difficult. Loving someone is easy.
Always be authentic.
Always be yourself because everyone else is taken. It’s important to show up as your most genuine self because you never know who needs your story to survive another day. This is what has pushed me to be my most authentic self. I’ve learned that my stories and experiences can help others who may be feeling the same emotions or going through similar situations. I’ve also learned that no matter how perfect or “cool” you try to be, there will always be another critic waiting to tear you down. So, you’re better off just being you anyway.
Vulnerability is how we can truly connect with one another.
Relating back to the last one, being our most honest and authentic self gives others the freedom to do the same. When we share our stories that are sometimes vulnerable, we are able to make better connections with each other. We all go through life trying to avoid suffering and pain but a level of pain is inevitable. Through sharing these similarities, we are able to feel more connected and confident.
Challenge & adversity inspire growth & change
I’ve accomplished a lot thus far in my life, but I’ve also experienced a lot of adversity in my life. People ask if I’d change things or how I’ve remained positive, and I owe it to the challenges I’ve had to overcome. By living through discomfort, I’ve learned how to adapt and grow from difficult times. Some of the most genuine people I’ve met come from a background of trauma or challenge. It the tough times and how we choose to react to them that really shapes our character.
Skydiving isn’t all that scary.
And neither are the fears holding you back. Okay, it was a little scary but my point here relates back to my post on how skydiving is a lot like life. When we are stunned by fear, we think there is no light at the end of the tunnel. We let fear hold us back from some of the most blissful moments life has to offer. If you’ve followed along for awhile now, you know I’ve dealt with anxiety over the years. Jumping out of a plane reminded me of how I react to anxiety in everyday life. There is all this worry and build up, but once we let go and jump head first into the thing that has crippled us, we are set free. We realize most of the fear and worry is built up in our minds, and the life we choose to live outside our comfort zone is the most rewarding.
Love yourself first.
I’m the type of person who likes to help everyone else. When everyone else is happy, I’m happy. I like balance, I am 100% a Libra. However, this makes me fall into deep slumps because I focus on making others happy before myself, and then I feel drained and burnt out over the simplest things. I can lose myself in the process too. I always like to use the airplane analogy. When you are on an airplane, they give the safety rundown at the start of the flight. They tell you that in the case that the air masks are deployed, you should always put yours on first before assisting others with theirs. We should reference this in our everyday life. If you don’t help yourself first, you won’t be able to help others. We live in a culture of “self-love” but this is how I see self-love. It doesn’t have to be selfish, it’s quite the opposite actually. We can’t help anyone if we’re too burnt out and exhausted. Take care of yourself, then help others.
Wherever you are now, that’s okay.
There are so many instances that I romanticize the shit out of the future and my happiness. I think “oh, if I move here or work here, I’ll finally be happy” – WRONG. Happiness is not a place, it’s a feeling that we must create internally. No place, person or thing will make you happy. Your happiness is completely up to you to create. This is one I’ve struggled with recently, and that’s why I’m adding it because it’s a lesson currently in progress for me. I’ve been extremely hard on myself the past few months about not accomplishing my long time goal of moving out of Michigan and going to a big city, I’m worried about what others will have to say when really, it’s only a pressure I’ve been putting on myself. Life is what you make it right now, not later. Create happiness where you are now and be present. It’s okay to set goals for the future and push yourself towards them but don’t hold yourself back from happiness because of your own limitations and expectations.
No one has it all figured out.
This is my favorite lesson and why I saved it for last because y’all – NO ONE HAS THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. We all live in this fantasy in our heads that everyone else around us has their lives together and we need to figure out the secret recipe for “figuring it out” but if there is anything I’ve learned over the past few years, it’s that everyone is just winging it. We’re all worried about getting our lives together. There is nothing to figure out, we’re all just doing what feels right to us. So, my biggest piece of advice for all of you is to stopping pressuring yourself to “figure it out” because you’ll quickly learn that figuring it out is just life. People old and young tell me they don’t have it all figured out. That’s just life.
Overall, life is what you choose to make it. I know it’s easy to fall into a rut or blame others for our outcomes, but really our life is completely up to us. Life is going to through curve balls and you’ll feel like you don’t know what the fu*k you’re doing most days. It’s all in how you react.
“That’s what happens in life” – we will all experience tough times, challenge and change. It’s just how life goes. There will be highs and lows. Enjoy the highs, learn from the lows. I hope whatever you’ve endured and accomplished this year, and this decade, has served as a propeller towards your best self.
As we kick off 2020, PYM is so grateful for all the support and growth we’ve had in 2019. We are beyond thrilled for what’s in store in the next year. We love you all and thank you for giving us the platform to share our stories.